What is abuse? Am I being abused?

Domestic violence refers to a person who hurts and manipulates his domestic partner in order to control her. He may hurt her emotionally, verbally, economically, physically, sexually, or all of these ways. He uses techniques which systematically tear his partner down emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually in order to exercise greater power and control over her. His techniques may include physical injury, the threat of physical injury, humiliation, name calling, withholding, and sexual abuse in order to create fear, confusion, guilt, and shame.

Here are some examples of abuse. Everyone and every situation are different. You may relate to some of these forms of abuse, or you may not.

Emotional

• Making you feel you are never good enough
• Pouting and sulking
• Withholding affection
• Making you jealous through other women, including having affairs with other women.
• Denying your reality by never admitting fault
• Blaming you for his behavior
• Making you feel that you are responsible for his happiness (and you are failing!)
• Creating confusion by twisting facts, minimizing, and denying.
• Being unpredictable, you never know what will set him off (you feel like you are “walking on eggshells”)
• Being excessively moody
• Keeping you awake at night
• Accusations of being unfaithful, flirting with other men, ect.
• Following and stalking you
• Embarrassing you in front of your friends and or family
• Systematically isolating you
• Never allowing you any privacy
• Creating confusion by alternating between loving and abusive behavior

Verbal

• Using derogatory terms such as bitch, slut, whore, ect.
• Making negative personal comments, such as telling you you’re too fat, too thin, bad in bed, a bad mother, a bad wife, ect.
• Yelling, screaming, making threats, using sarcasm